At our house, May marks the start of Chad’s travel season. His current job does not take him away from home a lot, but over the summer months he gets to go on several boondoggles (and sometimes, a few not-so-fun work trips that make life seem a little more fair.) Right now he is away on the first one of the season – just a quick one-nighter to Toronto.As luck would have it, Mallory had a rough time going to bed yesterday. Usually she is down for the night around 6:30 or 7 p.m. Not so yesterday; she would be up crying again within minutes of me putting her down, and didn’t truly get to sleep until almost 10 p.m.
Liam had a great morning with Gramma and Grampa, followed by a long afternoon nap at home. Maybe it was the lack of Mommy Time all day that did it, but by last night he wanted my undivided attention and wasn’t ready to take no for an answer. The result, of course, was a massive conflict of interests: how can mommy play Mr. Potato Head when she’s using both hands to rock and shush the baby?
To make matters worse, when Liam started to cry due to mommy’s unavailability, she asked him to be quiet so as not to wake the baby. Which resulted in even louder sobs. Which resulted in a woken up baby. So much for that idea.
All in all, it was a rough night. Liam was miserable, and not asleep until after 10 p.m. Mommy's dream of having a couple of peaceful hours to herself before bed (during which she had hoped to watch The Queen on pay-per-view) were dashed. Both kiddos spent enough time crying last night that mommy felt like a failure with each one. Quelle nightmare. I knew I was going to go through this, but still… it sucked.
Ironically enough, I was reading a few pages from Penelope Leach before bed last night, and came across a passage about the introduction of a second newborn into the household that was so apropos:
If [your first child] has needed so much from you, how can this one possibly manage with less? And if everything you give him has to be taken from her, how can you bear it? You know that your toddler must be helped to accept the new baby but in advance of the birth you may bitterly resent him on her behalf. She is a person whom you know and love; he is a stranger. After the birth your feelings may swing just as immoderately the other way. You know that your toddler is bound to be jealous but on your new baby’s behalf you are a tigress. You hurt her feelings by being over-protective and then you hate yourself… you WILL do as well by the new baby as by the first AND you will not seriously deprive either in the process… it is because their whole situation is quite different… First babies have the unenviable task of turning people into parents… First babies take up every moment of your time because when you aren’t caring for them you are waiting for them to wake up and cry. This time around you know that your baby will cry when he needs you and, far from dithering until he does, you will be snatching every moment to spend with your toddler. Your days will be fuller and you may miss the cat-naps, but they seemed full enough last time and you certainly felt tired… Your first baby really NEEDED your undivided attention because she didn’t just have to demand one-on-one attention, she had to orientate you towards childcare and teach you not to TRY to write your novel in the daytime… Your second baby will find your attention fully on tap (although he may have to claim it from his sister) and he will find much more to entertain him because she is there….
I hope Penelope knows what she is talking about.
1 comments:
The reason only children tend to be a little bit selfish is because they never learned to share anything, including their mother. Liam is learning some very important lessons right now that will help him through his entire life. He is learning to compromise, share and empathise.
In a few short months he won't even remember his pre Mallory life.
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