We're doing it

We are smack in the middle of letting Liam cry it out. Yesterday was Day 2. Man, does this suck. I know it has to be done, but it's brutal. And despite what everyone says - it's not getting easier.

I have to preface this by saying that until he was about six or eight weeks old, Liam needed to be held constantly. If he was awake, he was in someone's arms. He was not a colicky newborn, but he had a definite need for security, and I made sure I gave it to him. I am a pretty by-the-book person, and everything I've read draws the same conclusion - that the more security you can give a baby when they're young, the more independent they'll eventually grow to be. And how could I not want that for him? It made for a couple of tough months when I didn't always get into the shower or cook a proper dinner, but six or eight weeks is a drop in the bucket in the grand scheme of things. And he did outgrow the need. By the time he was two months old - sort of around the same time he could see further, start to use his hands, etc. - he became very content to sit in his bouncy seat or swing or lie on a mat on the floor and watch us or entertain himself.

The one area where he has not outgrown this need is when it comes to sleep. Since he has always fallen asleep in someone's arms, that's what he's come to expect. My trusty guidebook, Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, says there's nothing wrong with this for newborns, but that around 4 months it's a good idea to try to teach the baby to fall asleep on his own. So here we are, past 4 months and approaching 5. It's time. We can sometimes spend an hour just cuddling and walking the floor with Liam before he'll fall asleep at night. It will be worth it just to reclaim that time!

This whole thing started last Tuesday night, when I went to my class at the gym and Chad stayed home to put Liam to bed. When I got home Chad reported that there had been an incident. I immediately thought there would be some goose egg on Liam's head, owing to an accident of some sort, but Chad explained that Liam had been really fussy and was crying despite the fact that he was holding and comforting him - so eventually he put him in his crib anyway, and after about 15 minutes of protest crying, he fell asleep. I was both horrified and thrilled. Horrified because who wants to hear that about their child? But thrilled because I have been wanting to start this for some time, but have been too chicken. This was the catalyst we needed. We decided to go for it.

Of course, we left the next morning for the cottage, so our plans were put on hold until we got home. (Wouldn't that have been nice of us, to subject Steph and Mike to our CIO experiment, while they're trying to enjoy themselves on vacation, no less??) Saturday night, we bathed Liam, fed him, rocked him, cuddled him, walked with him, and when he appeared drowsy I decided to go for it and put him to bed.

The crying lasted for 45 minutes. It was a looooong 45 minutes. It wasn't always hysterical crying, but sometimes it was. Of course it makes you feel like you're deserting him, this tiny little person who has finally learned to trust you - will he ever trust me again? Am I breaking his heart? My handy copy of HSHHC says you can either go cold turkey - the route we've chosen - or use a gradual extinction method, which involves going to soothe your child as best you can without picking him up. The cold turkey method is supposed to involve much less crying overall - sign me up - though obviously in a more concentrated format.

We survived the first night. I went to get Liam out of bed in the morning and he didn't give me the finger. In fact, he looked delighted to see me. Using this cold turkey method is supposed to result in a baby who can soothe themself to sleep in just a matter of days. Each night the duration of the protest crying is supposed to lessen. If we quit after the first night, that 45 minutes of agony would have been wasted - just cruelty on our part instead of an effort to teach him some self-reliance. I couldn't do that. So last night, again, we cuddled him and kissed him and then left him to his own devices. The crying lasted 15 minutes (though it actually felt worse than the first night). Then he was asleep. Again, he woke up happy and cheerful, with no (noticeable) scars.

My nerves are wearing pretty thin at this point, but he seems to be catching on. If this truly does work in a matter of just a few days, it will be worth it. I hope he can forgive me for putting him through this. I hope I can forgive myself.